you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
