I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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