The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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