it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize