and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
