she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
