R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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