you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
