just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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