lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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