My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
