He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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