Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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