On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
they need to just BURY HIM!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
