Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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