last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
