On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
