I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
