Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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