yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
