the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize