I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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