I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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