I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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