I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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