i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
