listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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