My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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