You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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