TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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