hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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