Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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