Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
