Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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