I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
