Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
