and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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