Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
