Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
