dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
