If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
