I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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