During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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