I need help removing her.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
