the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
