you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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