My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He did a backflip because drugs
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