I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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