i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
