barbara walters just said penis...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
