i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
