I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
