He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need to calm my uterus...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
