come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
