he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
