Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
