I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
