Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
