There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
