Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
