Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
