In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
