I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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