I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
