I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
