how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
