Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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