So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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