Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
