farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
