She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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