A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
