I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
