so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
