Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
