I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
